Splenda is a fan of frozen microwavable meals…most often the Lean Cuisine variety. Now, don’t get me wrong I’ve been known to heat up a micromeal from time to time. Actually Lo and I both nosh on the mediocre meals sometimes.
Hey, it’s cheap, fast, easy…but who are we fooling, it usually tastes nasty and you are suffering from hunger pangs and low blood sugar by 3 p.m.
But I digress…Splenda doesn’t zap her lunch from time to time…it’s a daily ritual for her. She arrives in the morning and immediately slips her frozen brick of Grilled Chicken Primavera or a Chophouse Steak Flatbread Melt in our tiny Office of Doom dorm fridge for safe keeping.
When 12:30 p.m. rolls around she jockeys for position at our OOD microwave (which for some stupid reason sits atop an old, defunct microwave).
Five minutes later the OOD reeks to high heaven — a stench of processed chicken and maltodextrin fills the air.
It’s enough for customers to say things like, “oh, what’s cooking?” or “is someone eating Mexican food?”
I then have to come up with some explanation…. “oh, no. that’s just Splenda’s one millionth frozen meal. She loves them.”
I understand the need to save a few bucks on lunch and the ease of just zapping it...but c'mon, Splenda, splurge on a turkey sandwich some day.
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Oh no, Splenda will never go out for lunch. God forbid she actually leaves her four walls behind to venture into the real world of Taco Hell or Subway.
ReplyDeleteNo.
She'd miss the opportunity to pick up every single call that comes in. She's very quick-draw-mcgraw on the phone. This is her way to ensure she gets ALL the sales. It's not enough that she owns ALL the accounts already but she will get ALL future accounts as well. All hail the Splenda.