is admitting you have a problem.
Or something like that..
I'm obviously a lunatic. Here I've been all these years bitching and moaning about the OOD and today I make an internal decision to resign (tomorrow) and accept previously mentioned job at Snoozefest and what the hell did I do all day? Cry about it. Yes, folks I'm a moron and a baby. Of course, nobody at the OOD even knew I was crying because they all live in fucking cocoons - except for Chatty who has been super duper supportive and kept me from going all crazytown. I prolonged making the decision for as long as I could this morning (the terrible-decision-making officianodo here) until finally when Snoozefest boss lady called me up to find out my answer. "Ok, I guess I'll take the job" I said. Ok, I tried to feign more excitement thaen that but in my HEAD that is what I'm saying. Snoozefest boss lady - man, I've got to come up with a better name - was so nice. I am talking really nice with her, "I'm so happy to have you on board" and "You are going to be great here" and "I know this was a big leap for you but it is going to be ok". Nice lady.
So why am I so cou-cou for cocoa puffs? My husband - poor thing - has listened to me flip and flop with the 'I don't knows'...'Is this the right move for me?' - has managed to not knock me upside my head told me this afternoon as I sobbed on the phone about accepting the job. He says, "Lola, why are you crying? Would you stay with a boyfriend who beats you?"
Head down, mid-sob, I say "No."
"Of course, you wouldn't," he says matter of factly. "The OOD is like an abusive boyfriend who beats you and you're the shattered girlfriend who stays. Why! You are letting all of those beatings keep you down and letting all of that insecurity do this to you. You have to stop. You have to leave the abusive boyfriend." And while this is just an analogy and noone at the OOD has ever given me literal beatings what he says makes perfect sense to me. I'm absofuckinglutely INSANE.
I need help. (and microsoft office bootlegs too for vista for my new Home Office of Doom so hit me up if you've got a copy to send me)
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