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Monday, February 2, 2009

First day of a new job.

First days are weird for most people, right? A bit stressful wouldn't you say? You really don't know what to expect. You wonder what your coworkers will be like. The first day of a new job is like starting your first day at a new school but worse because you could get fired.

For one thing, employers expect you to live up to all your resume and interview hype. Plus, you have to try and fit in with the cool kids. It's like high school all over again.

Today was my first day at a brand new OOD. I think it could have gone a tad better. I'm just praying they don't regret their decision to hire me. It wasn't a complete disaster and I'm sure I'm hypercritical of myself but it just felt off. Anyway, here's how it went:

...I showed up on time - thank you! I went through security to get my little badge of temporary access and off I went. First, I was shown to my desk loaded with nice new equipment waiting for me inside my cube. Two computer screens people. What the hell. Not expecting that - nice! Upon deeper investigation - that was it - just the computer. No pens or sticky notes. Not even a trash can. Good thing I brought my own pad and pen with me. Next came the office tour and the super fun new employee introductions. Someone pointed out that I got the "bathroom cubicle." Yep, I sure did just like my last gig. Not much has changed. Everyone seems really nice even the person who kindly pointed out my desk is next to the crapper. I'm sure she meant well.

After all the introductions, it was back to the desk to get to work. First item on the agenda was to get set up in the computer system. I had to log in and set up a user name and password so I could access my computer. Easy right? Nope. Apparently I was assigned the same security system the FBI uses. What is up with security systems these days where you need some magic password that makes absolutely no sense and like hell you'll ever remember it? Still, it shouldn't take the length of time it took me to get mine right. After the 10th attempt and error message, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. And with my boss standing over my shoulder surely wondering how he could have hired such an idiot only made things worse. I finally gave up. Clearly, I'm incompetent and should just go home. What the heck am I doing wrong. Nothing really. The computer was just being a total asshole and when I changed one little thing it was like a veil had been lifted. Passwords continued to haunt me the rest of the day.

The phone also had a good laugh at my expense. It seems my new OOD just got a new phone system. Nobody really showed me how to operate the phone. I didn't make a big deal of it thinking surely I can figure it out myself. I have used a phone before. Still it would have been nice for a quick tutorial seeing that phone systems are unique but hey let's skip it and let me teach you 20 other things at once instead. Cool? Sure. But later the phone reared it's ugly receiver at me and had a good laugh. While trying to install a new program on my computer per the instructions from the IT department, something went wrong. No big deal. The email warned something might go wrong and in the event that it did just dial the help line for assistance. That's when the phone became possessed each time I picked up the receiver making loud repetitive beeps. Nothing I pushed made the beeping stop. Hadn't we used this stupid thing earlier I thought? What the hell have I done to screw this thing up! So, with my tail between my legs, I had to go ask for help on how to make my insane phone stop beeping. Turns out it wasn't my fault at all and there were a lot of people having trouble but it was just one other thing that I felt I was not doing right. At least the IT guy took the time to tell me how to make an outside phone call. Dial 9, people. Duh.

Once I got past being humiliated by both the phone and my computer, it was time to tackle learning the actual duties of my job. Did I mention how nice everyone seemed? I just want to preface that at least the people are nice. I just wish there was an instruction manual for my job.. I'm thinking my manager has not trained anyone before so the process might be a little painful. I'm sure my manager knows how to do the work. I bet it's like when you know exactly how to get from point A to B because you take that path everyday but you don't know the names of the streets but you still know how to get there. And then someone who has never been to point B asks you for directions on how to get there but shit you don't know the street names. Or maybe I'm just a moron and need a GPS. We'll see how tomorrow goes. I think it will be better.

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