Thanks Lola and Violet for inviting me to join you here on the OOD. My office is a well of doom that shall never run dry. But before I get into just how, why and who makes my weekday existence from 9-5 suck, this post will provide a little background.

Lola and I have been friends for a very long time, but we've never had the misfortune of working at the same shitty place at the same shitty time. But I've known her throughout her tenure at her present OOD, and can say with confidence that she has always hated that hellhole. It really is that bad.

Violet now works for the hellhole I escaped from a couple of years ago. It’s sort of a black hellhole, because it sucks you in with its free bagels and generous vacation policy, making it virtually impossible to escape. It took me 10 years. V, I know you just started there and are still a few 2 1/2 hour company meetings away from being completely disgruntled, but I hate to break it to ya...that place sucks. Hard. But it sounds like your former place of employment was so far beyond sucks that it would take the light from sucks a million years to get there.

Like Violet, I am also fairly new at my job, so I don’t completely hate it yet and my douchebag radar has yet to be fully calibrated. But there are clear, unmistakable bags of douche that I was able to identify from their first insincere “Welcome to The Crap Factory,” (Not really the company’s name, but it fits.) “I’m [Sales Douche A]. It’s GREAT to have you on board.” Me: smiling, nodding, acting like I give a shit, “Thaaaanks, it’s GREAT to be here.” Makes me want to punch myself in the face.

I will introduce you to my OOD’s gaggle of morons in future posts. And although I am tempted to name names so that each of them gets a little surprise the next time they google themselves, I will use pseudonyms so as not to get sued.

About my OOD: It’s downtown. Entering either the front or back door of this place requires me to walk a bum gauntlet that not only smells like a toilet, it’s also the go-to place for the occasional live elimination demonstration. Nothing like stepping over a pile of someone else’s shit to get to work. And hey, that’s also a pretty accurate euphemism for my actual job! More on that in my next post. I’ll stay bitter, you stay tuned.